Following orders
Strict obedience to commands as part of a dynamic. Short Explanation: "Receiving" means you must obey orders; "Giving" means you issue the orders.
Interested in exploring Following orders with your partner?
Start Your ChecklistFollowing orders represents one of the foundational elements of power exchange dynamics—the submissive partner complying with directives from their dominant. While this might seem simple on the surface, the practice encompasses a rich spectrum from light, playful commands to comprehensive lifestyle protocols that shape daily existence.
The appeal of following orders varies between individuals. For some submissives, relinquishing decision-making brings relief from the weight of constant choices. Others find deep satisfaction in pleasing their dominant through obedience. Many experience the structure of clear expectations as grounding and centering. For dominants, directing a willing partner who trusts their leadership fulfills needs for control, caretaking, and connection.
This guide explores how following orders works within healthy D/s relationships, the different forms it can take, essential safety considerations, and how to incorporate this practice in ways that serve both partners. Whether you're exploring casual bedroom commands or considering more extensive power exchange, understanding these dynamics helps build fulfilling relationships.
How Following Orders Works
Following orders in D/s contexts involves one partner (the submissive) accepting and complying with directives from another (the dominant). This exchange operates within negotiated boundaries and requires ongoing communication to function healthily.
Techniques and Variations
Scene-based commands operate only within designated play times. The dominant might give orders during a scene ("Kneel here," "Remove your clothes," "Don't speak unless asked"), with normal egalitarian relating resuming afterward.
Bedroom authority extends dominance specifically to sexual contexts. One partner directs sexual activities—positions, timing, acts—while other aspects of the relationship remain collaborative.
Domestic service protocols involve orders around household duties, personal service, or daily routines. This might include specific ways to serve meals, cleaning to certain standards, or daily tasks assigned by the dominant.
Behavior protocols establish ongoing rules the submissive follows continuously. These might address how to address the dominant, kneeling positions, clothing choices, phone check-in requirements, or other behavioral expectations.
Total power exchange (TPE) represents the far end of the spectrum where the dominant makes most or all decisions for the submissive's life. This level of authority exchange is rare, requires extensive experience, and carries significant responsibility.
Equipment and Tools
Following orders requires few physical tools, but several items support the practice:
- Written protocols or rules — documented expectations provide clarity for both partners
- Task lists or apps — help track assignments and completion
- Symbolic items — collars, bracelets, or other tokens that signify the dynamic
- Communication tools — methods for giving orders when not in person (texts, voice messages, apps)
- Journal or log — space for the submissive to record tasks completed, feelings, or check-ins
Safety Considerations
Power exchange through following orders requires careful attention to both partners' wellbeing. Authority given must be exercised responsibly, and submission offered must be respected.
Physical Safety
Boundaries must be established before any commands can be given. What areas of life does authority cover? What orders are outside acceptable bounds regardless of circumstances? These limits protect both partners.
Health and basic needs cannot be compromised. Responsible dominants ensure their orders don't compromise sleep, nutrition, medical needs, or fundamental safety. Commands that endanger the submissive's health are never acceptable.
Ability to comply matters. Orders should be achievable given the submissive's circumstances. Setting someone up for failure through impossible demands damages trust and the dynamic itself.
Emotional Safety
Orders serve the dynamic, not ego. Responsible dominants give orders that build and sustain their submissive, not commands designed solely to demonstrate power or humiliate beyond negotiated limits.
Regular check-ins assess how the dynamic is functioning. Both partners should feel free to discuss what's working, what isn't, and what adjustments might improve the exchange.
Consent remains ongoing. Either partner can renegotiate boundaries, pause the dynamic, or end it entirely. Submission doesn't mean surrendering the right to change one's mind about the relationship structure.
Outside obligations must be respected. Orders shouldn't compromise work performance, family relationships, or other important life areas unless explicitly negotiated.
Red Flags
- Orders designed to isolate the submissive from support systems
- Financial control that creates dangerous dependency
- Refusing to discuss or adjust boundaries when concerns arise
- Using orders as punishment in non-negotiated ways
- Framing non-compliance with unreasonable orders as "failure"
- Demanding immediate, total authority without building trust
- Orders that require lying to others or compromising integrity
Beginner's Guide to Following Orders
Beginning with orders-based dynamics works best through gradual exploration. Starting small allows both partners to learn their needs and limits.
Start with scene-specific orders. Limit initial authority exchange to designated play times. The dominant might direct a scene completely, with normal relating resuming afterward. This contained approach lets you experience the dynamic without full-time pressure.
Negotiate clearly. Before any commands are given, discuss what areas are covered, what's off-limits, and how either partner can pause if needed. Written notes of agreements help prevent misunderstandings.
Keep initial orders simple. Early commands might be straightforward: specific positions to hold, tasks to complete, phrases to use. Success with simple orders builds confidence for more complex protocols.
Debrief regularly. After scenes or at regular intervals, discuss how the dynamic felt. What worked well? What felt off? What would you like more or less of? This feedback shapes the evolving relationship.
Expand gradually. If scene-based orders work well, you might try bedroom authority more broadly, then perhaps specific daily tasks. Let expansion follow success rather than rushing to comprehensive control.
Allow for mistakes. Both partners are learning. Dominants will give orders that don't land well; submissives will sometimes forget or struggle. Grace and conversation help you grow together.
Discussing Following Orders with Your Partner
Introducing power exchange into an existing relationship—or establishing it in a new one—requires clear communication about desires and concerns.
If you want to follow orders: "I've been thinking about our dynamic and realizing I'd enjoy having you direct things more. The idea of following your lead, of you giving me clear instructions, appeals to me. Could we talk about what that might look like?"
If you want to give orders: "I've noticed I enjoy being more directive with you, and you seem to respond well. I'm curious about exploring that more intentionally—me giving orders, you following them, within boundaries we'd agree on. What do you think?"
Discuss what draws each of you to this dynamic. Understanding motivations helps shape the practice around genuine needs rather than assumptions. The submissive wanting stress relief might need different structures than one seeking praise and approval.
Address concerns openly. Common worries include: Will this change our equality? What happens if I can't comply? How do we return to "normal"? Discussing these beforehand prevents them from becoming problems.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does following orders mean losing my voice in the relationship?
Healthy power exchange maintains the submissive's voice in crucial ways. Negotiation, check-ins, safewords, and the ability to renegotiate boundaries preserve agency. Following orders operates within frameworks both partners establish—it's structured, not absolute, surrender.
What if I can't or don't want to follow an order?
Responsible dynamics include ways to address this. Safewords can pause a scene; discussions can address problematic standing orders. Sometimes orders can be renegotiated; sometimes the submissive accepts consequences for non-compliance; sometimes it reveals a boundary that needs addition. Open communication resolves most situations.
How do orders work in a long-distance relationship?
Distance dynamics often use technology for orders: text commands, video check-ins, apps that track tasks. Orders might include specific activities to complete and report on, timed check-ins, photos confirming compliance, or remote-control toy use. Creativity maintains connection despite distance.
Can following orders be part-time?
Absolutely. Many couples practice power exchange only during specific times—weekends, scenes, date nights—while maintaining collaborative relating otherwise. The dynamic can be as contained or expansive as both partners want.
What makes a good order?
Good orders are clear (specific enough to follow), achievable (within the submissive's ability), meaningful (serving the dynamic's purpose), and within negotiated limits. They should build trust and satisfaction rather than frustration or confusion.
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