Restrictive rules on behaviour
Following strict guidelines for personal conduct. Short Explanation: "Receiving" means you adhere to strict rules; "Giving" means you set and enforce them.
Interested in exploring Restrictive rules on behaviour with your partner?
Start Your ChecklistRestrictive rules on behavior form the invisible structure of many D/s dynamics—guidelines and protocols that shape how the submissive partner moves through daily life. Unlike physical bondage, behavioral restrictions create psychological containment, a constant awareness of the dynamic even when partners aren't physically together.
These rules might govern anything from speech patterns and posture to food choices and daily routines. Some rules serve practical purposes within the relationship; others exist purely to reinforce the power exchange and create opportunities for service, correction, and conscious submission. The right restrictions can deepen connection and provide comforting structure, while poorly chosen rules can become oppressive burdens.
This guide explores how behavioral restrictions function within healthy dynamics: creating rules that serve both partners, managing the psychological weight of constant protocols, and ensuring restrictions enhance rather than damage the relationship and individual well-being.
How Behavioral Restrictions Work
Behavioral rules create ongoing power exchange through accumulated small moments of compliance. Each time the submissive follows a protocol, they actively choose submission—keeping the dynamic present regardless of what else is happening.
Common Types of Restrictions
Speech and communication: Required honorifics (Sir, Ma'am, Master, Mistress), restrictions on swearing, asking permission to speak in certain contexts, daily check-ins or reports.
Body and presentation: Posture requirements, clothing choices (or prohibitions), hair and makeup protocols, underwear rules, fitness or diet guidelines.
Daily activities: Bedtime schedules, morning rituals, meal protocols, chore requirements, screen time limits, required reading or journaling.
Sexual restrictions: Orgasm control, masturbation rules, wearing specific toys, asking permission for sexual release.
Social interactions: How to behave in public as a couple, interaction rules with others, disclosure guidelines about the dynamic.
Rule Enforcement
Rules without attention become meaningless. Enforcement might include: tracking compliance through journals or apps, regular reviews, rewards for consistent adherence, and appropriate consequences for violations. The Dominant's active engagement with the rules matters as much as the submissive's compliance.
Safety Considerations
Behavioral restrictions operate continuously, making their psychological impact substantial. Safety here means protecting mental health and the relationship itself.
Psychological Safety
Avoid rules that damage self-esteem: Restrictions should challenge and structure, not humiliate or diminish outside negotiated scenes. Rules affecting body image, social connections, or professional life require particular caution.
Maintain external connections: Rules shouldn't isolate the submissive from friends, family, or support networks. Isolation is an abuse warning sign even within BDSM contexts.
Protect professional life: Rules must not interfere with the submissive's ability to function at work or pursue career goals, unless this is explicitly negotiated with full understanding of consequences.
Emotional Safety
Sustainable load: Too many rules creates constant stress and sets up failure. Start with few rules; add gradually as compliance becomes habitual.
Allow imperfection: Humans forget, fail, and struggle. Rules should include reasonable expectations about occasional lapses and proportionate consequences that correct without crushing.
Regular review: Rules that made sense initially may become burdensome or irrelevant. Schedule periodic discussions about what's working and what needs adjustment.
Red Flags
Warning signs that restrictions have become unhealthy: constant anxiety about compliance, fear of partner's response to mistakes, isolation from other relationships, rules that benefit only one partner, inability to modify or remove rules even when they cause harm, or rules imposed without genuine consent.
Beginner's Guide
Building a healthy structure of behavioral restrictions requires patience and communication.
Start with one or two rules: Adding many rules at once overwhelms and creates failure. Master a few protocols before expanding.
Choose meaningful restrictions: Rules should serve a purpose—reinforcing dynamic, building good habits, creating service opportunities, or providing structure the submissive desires. Random rules without purpose feel arbitrary and breed resentment.
Be specific and measurable: "Be good" isn't a rule. "Send a good morning text before 8 AM" is clear and verifiable. Vague rules create confusion and unfair enforcement.
Consider context: Rules for home may differ from rules for public or work. Build in appropriate situational flexibility.
Track compliance initially: Journals or apps help both partners see patterns—what rules come naturally, which require struggle, whether the overall structure works.
Celebrate success: Consistent compliance deserves recognition. Positive reinforcement builds willing submission more effectively than constant correction.
Discussing with Your Partner
Negotiating behavioral restrictions requires understanding what each person needs from the structure.
For the submissive: Which areas of life would benefit from external structure? What restrictions feel exciting versus burdensome? Are there areas that must remain rule-free? What kind of enforcement feels motivating versus demoralizing?
For the Dominant: How much tracking and enforcement energy is available? What behaviors would genuinely improve the dynamic or the submissive's life? What's the purpose behind each potential rule?
Together, discuss: How will rules be established, modified, and retired? How will infractions be handled? What constitutes an emergency exception? How often will you review the overall structure?
Consider trial periods for new rules—implementing temporarily before making permanent additions to the protocol. This allows both partners to discover practical challenges before committing.
Build in flexibility for life changes: illness, travel, stressful periods, and extraordinary circumstances may require temporary modification. Planning for this prevents guilt and conflict during difficult times.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many rules should we have?
Quality matters more than quantity. Some couples thrive with extensive protocols; others prefer minimal structure. Start with 2-3 rules maximum, add gradually only when current rules are habitual. If either partner can't remember all the rules, there are probably too many.
What if I keep forgetting a rule?
Consistent forgetting suggests the rule isn't well-suited to your current capacity or circumstances. Discuss whether the rule needs modification, additional support (reminders, tracking), or removal. Chronic failure without adjustment breeds shame rather than service.
Can rules apply 24/7?
Yes, with appropriate design. 24/7 rules must be sustainable alongside work, social life, and independent function. They must not require the Dominant's constant attention. Rules like "always wear your collar at home" or "morning check-in text" can work continuously without exhausting either partner.
What if a rule interferes with my job or other relationships?
Rules should enhance your life, not damage it. If a restriction causes professional problems or harms important relationships, it needs immediate modification. A healthy dynamic supports your overall well-being, including external success and connections.
How do we handle rule violations?
Establish consequences in advance—ranging from minor (verbal correction) to significant (assigned punishments). Consequences should be proportionate and corrective, not cruel. Some couples use point systems or progressive responses. The goal is renewed commitment, not lasting shame.
Discover What You Both Desire
Create your personal checklist and compare with your partner to find activities you'll both enjoy exploring together.
Get Started FreeNo credit card required