Forced masturbation
A consensual scenario where one is made to masturbate under instruction or restraint. Short Explanation: "Receiving" means you are compelled to masturbate; "Giving" means you enforce the act.
Interested in exploring Forced masturbation with your partner?
Start Your ChecklistForced masturbation involves one partner directing another to touch themselves sexually, creating a dynamic where the observer controls the performer's self-pleasure. Despite the term "forced," this practice operates within consensual frameworks—both partners have agreed to this exchange of control, with the performing partner often finding heightened arousal through being watched, directed, and exposed in this intimate way.
The appeal of forced masturbation lies at the intersection of vulnerability, exhibition, and control. The performing partner experiences the unusual combination of touching their own body while surrendering agency over how they do so. The directing partner enjoys watching their partner's pleasure while orchestrating its pace, intensity, and duration. This creates a unique form of intimacy quite different from partnered sexual contact.
This guide explores how forced masturbation functions within healthy sexual dynamics, the various forms it can take, essential considerations around consent and emotional safety, and how to incorporate this practice in ways that enhance connection. Whether you're curious about occasional directed self-pleasure or more structured control, understanding these dynamics helps both partners engage authentically.
How Forced Masturbation Works
In this practice, one partner directs the other's self-stimulation—controlling when, how, where, and for how long they touch themselves. The directing partner typically watches, though some variations involve distance control through video or audio connection.
Techniques and Variations
In-person direction has partners together, with the director watching and commanding the performer's movements. Instructions might include speed, technique, positioning, eye contact requirements, or when to stop and start.
Verbal instruction focuses on the directing partner's voice guiding the experience. They describe what they want to see, coach the performer through building arousal, or command specific actions.
Remote control works across distance using video calls or phones. The directing partner watches via camera while giving instructions, maintaining the dynamic despite physical separation.
Edging direction has the director bringing the performer to the edge of orgasm repeatedly, controlling build-up and denial. This extended play creates intense arousal and surrender.
Timed sessions require the performer to masturbate for specified periods while being watched, continuing regardless of arousal state. This emphasizes the "forced" aspect while building stamina.
Orgasm control means the director decides if and when orgasm happens. The performer may need permission or may be denied entirely, depending on the dynamic.
Equipment and Tools
- Video equipment — for remote sessions or recording if both consent
- Sex toys — vibrators, strokers, or other implements the director might require
- Timer — for timed sessions or edging intervals
- Lubricant — for comfort during extended sessions
- Restraints — some combine forced masturbation with partial bondage
- Mirror — may be required so performer sees themselves as they're watched
Safety Considerations
While forced masturbation carries lower physical risk than many sexual activities, the psychological dynamics require attention to ensure both partners benefit.
Physical Safety
Extended sessions require care. Prolonged masturbation without adequate lubrication can cause chafing or soreness. Build in breaks and ensure comfort.
Toy safety applies. If toys are involved, follow standard toy safety—proper materials, cleaning, appropriate use.
Arousal dysfunction isn't failure. Bodies don't always cooperate on command. Difficulty maintaining arousal or achieving orgasm during forced masturbation is normal and shouldn't be shamed.
Emotional Safety
Vulnerability is significant. Masturbating while watched exposes very private behaviors. The performing partner needs to feel genuinely safe, not judged or mocked in unwanted ways.
Shame dynamics require care. Many people carry shame around masturbation. Being directed to perform while watched can intensify this. Discuss feelings beforehand; create space for processing afterward.
Recording requires explicit consent. Never record without clear agreement. The vulnerability of these images makes consent particularly important.
The "forced" element must be genuinely consensual. Both partners need to agree to this exchange. Using actual coercion isn't D/s—it's abuse.
Red Flags
- Recording without explicit consent
- Mocking or shaming the performer's body or technique in non-negotiated ways
- Continuing when the performer uses safewords or shows genuine distress
- Sharing images or descriptions with others without consent
- Using this as the only sexual outlet while consistently denying other intimacy
- Demanding forced masturbation as "proof of desire" in manipulative contexts
Beginner's Guide to Forced Masturbation
Starting with forced masturbation works best through gradual exposure that builds comfort with being watched and directed.
Start with mutual masturbation. Both partners touching themselves while watching each other creates exposure without the one-sided vulnerability of forced masturbation. This normalizes being seen.
Progress to observation. Before adding direction, simply having one partner watch the other masturbate builds comfort with being observed. The performer maintains control; the watcher simply enjoys viewing.
Add simple instructions. Initial direction might be mild: "Touch yourself for me," "Slow down," "Show me how you like it." These light commands introduce the dynamic without intensive control.
Build to more detailed direction. As comfort grows, instructions can become more specific: exact techniques, speed changes, required positions, eye contact, or verbal expressions.
Discuss orgasm expectations. Early on, clarify whether orgasm is the goal, whether permission is needed, or whether denial might occur. Surprises around orgasm control can feel jarring.
Debrief after sessions. Talk about what felt hot, what felt awkward, what you'd like more or less of. Early sessions especially benefit from this communication.
Discussing Forced Masturbation with Your Partner
Bringing up forced masturbation requires acknowledging the vulnerability involved while expressing genuine interest in this dynamic.
If you want to perform: "I've been thinking about something that turns me on—the idea of you watching me touch myself, maybe even directing me. There's something about being that exposed and having you control my pleasure that really appeals to me."
If you want to direct: "I'd love to watch you pleasure yourself and maybe give you some direction while you do. The combination of seeing your pleasure while having some control over it is really arousing to me. Would you be open to exploring that?"
Address potential concerns directly. The performer might worry about being judged; reassure them of your genuine attraction. The director might worry about being demanding; clarify that direction within consent is wanted.
If either partner is uncertain, start with low-pressure observation before adding the "forced" element. Comfort with being watched often develops before comfort with being directed.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I can't orgasm on command?
Most people can't—arousal and orgasm don't reliably respond to commands. Experienced couples work with this reality: sessions might end without orgasm, or the director learns their partner's rhythms well enough to time commands effectively. Inability to perform on demand isn't failure.
Is it normal to feel embarrassed?
Very normal. Masturbation is typically private, and being watched breaks that privacy. Some embarrassment is common even for those who find the dynamic arousing. If embarrassment is overwhelming and unwanted, go slower. If it adds to the arousal, explore that.
How detailed should the directions be?
This varies by couple. Some prefer detailed, moment-to-moment instruction; others enjoy general direction with latitude for the performer. Experiment to find what creates the right dynamic for you. More direction isn't inherently better.
Can this be done long distance?
Yes, forced masturbation works well over video calls or even phone/audio. Some couples use app-controlled toys for the director to physically control stimulation remotely. Distance adds its own dynamic while maintaining the core elements.
What if the director doesn't know what to say?
Start with what you see: "I love watching you," "Slow down," "Faster now." Describe what you're enjoying. Ask questions: "Does that feel good?" "Show me what makes you moan." Confidence comes with practice; awkwardness at first is fine.
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